Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I cannot find my penis.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize