There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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