She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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