how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
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You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I want to fling myself into the sun
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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