I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize