I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
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She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
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Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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