Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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