I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize