Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Randomize