yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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