At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize