too bad you live with your parents still
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize