paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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