I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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