I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
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he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
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Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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