I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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