and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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