I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
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it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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