My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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