Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
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He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
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I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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