Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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