If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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