my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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