You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize