Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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