a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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