Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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