I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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