My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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