happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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