Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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