It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize