The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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