I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
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Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
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You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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