we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
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what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
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I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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