I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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