There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
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Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
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Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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