my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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