Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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