The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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