saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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