dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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