The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
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If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
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It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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