what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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