you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize