Im at strip club and am horny
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize