Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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