everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
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She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
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I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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