i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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