Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize